My Story

Free For All: Christmas 2008 Issue

My little story illustrates two things – the power of this publication and the fact that God is patient – it’s never too late to discover him.

As a small child I attended Sunday school and enjoyed it. I said my prayers, read Bible stories and had no reason to question anything I learnt. When I was nine years old however, I had to ask God to do something for me. It was something so enormous that, had my prayers been answered, it would have amounted to a miracle. From the moment that God failed to deliver, I lost my faith. I described myself as an atheist and on the occasions God tried to speak to me I was extremely successful at pushing him away and telling him he did not exist.

Fast forward to 2004 and I and my many grey hairs moved to Eastcote for family reasons. I badly needed some peace in my life. In a drawer in my new home I discovered an old copy of this very magazine. Finding a copy of Free For All would perhaps not be out of the ordinary in most local homes, but the previous owners of my house were Muslim and I cannot imagine they ever frequented a church. Anyway I looked at that old Free For All and St Lawrence sounded like a good place, which might even have something to offer a lost cause like me.

The first time I went to a Sunday morning service I found the peace I needed. Nobody asked me questions or forced me to talk. I was welcomed quietly and discreetly by one of the wardens. Over the weeks and months that followed I found much more than calm and tranquillity – a whole community of warm and friendly people.

Despite all of this I was never able to take full part in services. When it was time for members of the church to take communion and for others to receive a blessing, I found I could not bring myself to approach the altar. I did not feel I deserved to be there or to be blessed.

Finally in January of this year, I joined the “Christians for Life” course hoping that it would help me to say sorry to God for half a lifetime of rejection. I am delighted to report that following much examination and some questioning of our faith, I and some fellow ‘lifers’ were confirmed in April. After the service we stood around the altar for a photo opportunity. Having heard my reasons for attending the course the Bishop jokingly said, ‘It’s okay Karen, you’re allowed up here now.’ Finally I think I am. God was extremely patient, but I got here in the end!